DETROIT – 2020 has sucker-punched everyone in the gut and it is going to change the way business is done. This is a cultural shift from where we were just a couple of years ago. I don’t see this ever going back to the way things were and maybe that’s a good thing. Before I get too far into the story let me tell you about the bloody fistfight that is in my personal history. This is what got written up in my BNI profile right before I walked out. This mythical bar brawl never happened but I want to use it as a focal point to the bullshit you should be avoiding.

A couple of years ago I was at a bar in Birmingham. I was invited to a beer party at 4 PM for a BNI business function. First of all, this goes against everything I stand for and I never do business over drinks but I was going to join a chapter and wanted to be a good sport about it. The business people of Birmingham, Michigan take drinking very seriously because I couldn’t find a parking space so I had to park down the street. I figured if it was a beer party nobody would care one way or the other if I was late. Everyone is drinking, right? Who cares if I walk in two hours late and I didn’t give it much thought. Plus nobody there even knew me or knew who I was. This was one of those trendy microbrew places where every beer tastes like vinegar and comes in a little glass thimble type of thing. Its not a stereotypical corner bar with big cold drafts type of place. I could only handle one of those because it was so bitter and unenjoyable. So much for the allegation of being drunk and out of control.

I kept looking at my watch and I wanted to move along and ask for the tab. This was the dance of the living dead and there was the typical face value banter and conversations extended out of small talk and observations. This wasn't my scene and then I noticed this guy at the end of the table who was intoxicated. He must have been there for at least a couple of hours.

At first I thought this guy had Parkinson's disease because he looked odd. His eyes were all cockeyed and he was talking loud and using his hands like he was signing for the hearing impaired. I was hoping I wouldn't have to have a conversation with this loon and kept trying to avoid eye contact. Damn it. If he didn't get up and walk my way. He leans over and his breath was intolerable and got close to my face and said, :"I know you. I know you from someplace" and I was pretty sure I didn't know him. But he stood there and was persistant and it turned out I had interviewed at his company in the year, get ready, 2003. and here we are in 2018. I forgot about it really and I even forgot this guys name. I swear to God I really did and when I said so he became enraged. We were both into online marketing so here is what happened next. The drunk guy blurts out, "I don't like guys like you". I didn't flinch or show any signs of retreating and kept seated. "Guys like you no fucking good". I just sat there and then I told him "Now I remember you. I interviewed at your place in Southfield. You were the guy who walked around wearing white gloves.". That is true. It was the most bizarre interview I ever had. I remember thinking that this guy had a skin condition or something because he wore these white gloves and it was very unnerving. I couldn't tell if he was going for the higher than thou Daddy Warbucks routine or if he was health challenged. He then staggered out the door. No bloody punch up, no cussing or shoving match and yet the way this encounter went down was that I got into a big bar brawl.

This was what ended up getting into my record. If you look me up in this buisness organization this is what you will read. There was a witness to all of this and it was his job to research the character of all new coming members. And he could vouch for me and clear my name and yet he chose not to. I understand this drunken jackass was a former chapter member. Later I found out that my chapter was sneaking him into events when I was laid up in the hospital. I was still a paying member and this guy was grooving on my paid time. For me that was strike one and two and three if we are being totally honest. And I am an honest guy. When I got out of the hospital I quit.

Now from there I hobnobbed for a year going to every Meet Up event, busines chamber events and many business breakfast functions. I started to notice something right away. Gossip was something that just had to be expected and there was a lot of chit chat mickey mouse banter. I played the game and shelled out a lot of money buying these losers coffee and free lunches. Mind you, I rarely if ever got the returned favor from these people. There was a lot of unnecesary hugging and kissing going on. Sometimes these people would even kiss eachother on the mouth! I worked in Chicago and New York and let me tell you this is something we never did. I might shake your hand if necessary but hugging would never happen let alone kiss someone on the freaking mouth. I got unwanted attention from both sexes. I was surprised and bit taken aback to get sexual come ons from men. Some of them were married and one was even a pastor. These guys were super aggressive and seemed to lack any kind of moral compas when it came to inappropriate behavior or expressing their unwanted attention. I had enough of doing this in my business and I started to use a phrase for this type audience and called them the Bullshit people. I was done pretending that I was interested in these stupid activities becase it led to such a dead end. I wasted a lot of time.

The thing that freaked me out about this journey was when one of our guys died. There was a man i was friends with in this circle that contracted cancer. I wasn't going to pry and get in his business because he never even brought it up to me. But we had some chatty women who felt the need to fill me in on his business and this was unsolicited. I felt uncomfortable talking about it because I barely knew the guy. Everytime one of thse women would bring it up I knew that everything I was going to say would be used against me. Usually when you got someone who gossips like this you will be talked about too in depth with other people. I started getting people calling my house to cross interview me about what I was saying about someone else. This was all happening on my billable time and was becoming a serious problem. Who were these people? This guy with cancer, I'll call him Joe, ended up dying and when I inquired about him nobody even returned my emails or calls. So look, I don't know about you, but I think I would like to be surrounded by people who have a serious investment in me as an individual and shows sincerity. The lack of compassion I witnessed was not only eye opening but also very sobering. I started to cut people out of my social media and out of my rolodex. I stopped taking their advice and tip toeing around theif feelings.

I also was taking jabs on my social life, and my church, seriously I really did and it was very unnerving. To this day I do not know what was worse. Being scrutinized over my relationship with my future wife and family or getting interrogated over my relationship with God. After answering endless questions about all of this it drove me up the wall and life I just got to say was unenjoyable. I ended walking away from the life of pleasing people and went back to my home church. I also got a fiance that was out of our normal social circles and outside of anybodys approval. This won me more dislikes and at this point I didn't care.I walked out. I also turned my back on how much time I would give people and closed my doors on the weekends. I also put time limits on my contact hours. I would no longer take calls after 6 PM.

I do not know where you sit with your tolerance level. Maybe doing this sort of business works for you. I am very black and white and at the end of the day I have to report back to my family, wife and kids what I accomplished that day. This might mean nothing to you but i had to put a wall up and throw people overboard. After I cleaned house and even blocked some more people on social media things began to finally quiet down and work right. The drama level dropped and my business started to pick up again.

MOVING FORWARD IN THE AGE OF COVID-19

There is no doubt business is going to change once this ugly virus gets cleaned up. There will be less physical contact and there probably won't be any hugging or kissing. There will be less time wasting activities too such as endless meetings, meet-ups and pointless bar events. Do you have time to waste in some bar with someone who is half interested in what you do? Forget one on one's you will need to get to the point and move on. Your business interactions will have to be short and quick. You do not have the luxury of time to screw around gossiping about this one or that one. Forget the scorecard you are keeping of who is sleeping with who this is time to get serious about your business and making real connections.

I am sick of accomdating lonely people who wish to come onto me for any reason or passify someones advances for the sake of business. I throw people off my boat left and right and got back to basics. You would be surprised of the amount of social media that i have cut. I have been to all levels of social connection from paying high fees for exclusive groups to doing all of the free programs. Not many people have been to all of the levels and experienced this much life.

So what works in 2020 during this pandemic and horrible time? Brievety. You must get to the point of what you are all about. This means being able to pre-sell your ideas in a very communicative way so that your message is instantly undestood. It means cutting out all of the high glossy pamphets,

(in some cases) and getting a minute long Youtube video that just says what you do. At this point you need to figure out what you want from your contacts and build report. You have to decide whether or not you want to establiish a working relationship. Do not milk it out with extra meetings and followups and time wasting activity.

I used to sit in these early morning breakfast meetings and would sometimes have to get up at 5 AM just to attend them. People would come and ask me, "Do you know any millionaires" from real estate people, and mortgage people. My answer would be, "No, I talk to the same insincere jokers you do week after week.". I remember one big black guy in particular who would always have a new business every other week. He changed so much I couldn't keep track of what he was doing. His phrase was, "I put the millions back into the billions baby! That's billion with a B !!" and i was pleasant about it but we all were small fish in a pond. Every week it was the same faces and they were sweet but very limited. They only hung out with one another. I was a soldier and loyal to this crowd but only up until a point.

So the question now is how will you spend your time? What action steps will you need to take to make those kinds of connections? You can spend a ton of money on paid ads but I do have some news for you. Facebook has only 7% of the business market. Linked in does a little better and is growing at 244% every year. So many people make the mistake of using bot software to handle their conversations and introductions. This is another aspect of the shiney object syndrome. It is not enough to build reasonable rapport or to make long lasting friendships. You will need to do more to connect to people and to make any kind of long lasting impressions. I see a lot of poor inner personal communication and poor sales structure when it comes to creating relationships. I see that all levels of business and in every industry. 2020 is going to be a pivotal year and a cornerstone for a new way of doing business and making things happen.A lot of businesses are going to tank and fall apart. New industries are going rise up and take over but doing things the old way is now past.

SAFETY BEGINS WITH YOU

BUSINESS AND COVID-19!!